Following on from the global cookbook we are creating , DaddyP decided to submit his recipe for success..
DADDY PAPERSURFER’S TOP TEN TIPS FOR AVOIDING DISASTERS IN THE KITCHEN
1- Never slice vegetables using a mandolin when watching TV as your vegetarian casserole might end up a tad less ‘vegetarian’ than intended.
2- Never pierce a potato with a skewer straight down on top of the new wooden worktop – this could end in divorce.
3- Never bend down to retrieve an escaped pea, catch your head on the handle of the saucepan that is at the rolling boil stage, then stand up rather abruptly to avoid the cascade of hot water and hit your head on the edge of the oven unless you have a special arrangement with the emergency services.
4- Do not test the temperature of the chip fat with your elbow.
5- Don’t use the carving knife for shaving any part of your body.
6- Never confuse the bleach with the bottle of spring water.
7- When steaming vegetables always make sure there is enough water in the saucepan and if you do happen to ‘boil dry’ do not grab hold of the metal saucepan in a state of panic.
8- Do not wear an expensive white shirt when handling pickled beetroot.
9- Do not prepare cocktail sausages when naked.
10- If married – always say what is put in front of you is delicious.
We have been gathering some exciting recipes from all parts of the globe, if you have not yet submitted your recipe there are less than 2 weeks left to do so..
Don’t forget to email me your recipes 
19 Comments
I take it that’s based on your personal experience DP?…
The tip of the iceberg my dear - the tip of the iceberg ………
I prefer lettuce myself…
Sheesh, all of this would have been quite helpful BEFORE I started learning to cook …
@sylvie Iceberg lettuces are rubbish …… completely tasteless although crunchy ….
@tNb you’ve started cooking? - well well well …… good luck Penfold ……
Sylvie - I hope you shook the computer to dry the polaroid ……..
the top tip must be…. don’t ever let a peabrain wearing a boxed head anywhere near a kitchen ….. *snigger*
Tip 8 must also be extended to spaghetti bolognese…. speaking from personal experience
I wish I was never allowed near the kitchen …. chance would be a fine thing …..
That box is a real fire hazard ………..
Tell be about it …… oh, you just have …..
tnb: just you wait for the global cookbook to be done first
70: I will add a warning note on the book about that…thanks for reminding me.
DP:lol…how did you know???
Cardboard boxes can be sucked up by extractor fans as well, drawing the head over the spitting wok. Do not turn the fan off however as it suddenly falls into the stir fry splashing boiling olive oil over your naked chest [naked due to the incident earlier with the waste disposal unit ........].
I’m somehow getting a mental picture of you holding a platter with a single wiener in a bun.
I do enjoy pickled red beets with a fork fresh out of the jar. Obviously Lo, she who guards us from that which may have been, isn’t a canner. Keyboards don’t fit in Mason jars.
Pickled beetroot with mash and chipolatas is one of my favourite meals!!!!!
Does that translate to beets and potatoes mashed together with chipolatas added for flavor? If I end up screwing up a recipe, I’m blaming you DP and sending it to China as a Weapon of Mass Distaste.
No no no ……. mash on it’s own. Whole or sliced pickled beetroot on it’s own. Chipolatas on their own. Add salt and pepper to taste. All arranged beautifully on a plate and then devoured being very careful NOT to make a mess of your crisp white shirt. Novice eaters should wear overalls just incase …….
…you haven’t seen my tummy muscles, obviously.
thanks for these tips .. i will make sure to DO it
lol